15 Feb 2021
Are you a people-pleaser?
Digiora Technologies Pvt Ltd
Let’s face it. We can’t please everyone.
Imagine you are back in school as a class monitor, delegated with the important job of maintaining a silent class in the absence of a teacher. Maybe your friends are the most chaotic and you thought it better to not write their names on the board. Maybe you didn’t want to ruffle any feathers with some other mates. You may have had a hard time communicating the hard truth of punishment to another set of kids. So when the teacher comes back to a noisy class, who would look bad?
The corporate arena, your office, could be quite chaotic too. Ideas floating around. Opinions voiced. Lots of opinions, in fact. Now you might wonder. Are you really a people pleaser? Well, if you have been...
- Eager for people to like you
- Evade tough conversations or make others do it
- Take blind responsibility for someone else’s poor work
- Doesn’t communicate expectation to those working with or under you
... then, you are a people pleaser. And it is a trap! As a people-pleaser you could feel unduly stressed, burned out, tensed, faces disloyalty, and frustrated. And from a team perspective, mediocrity reigns as they inspire no one to give in their best. All this could undermine you as a leader.
Most of the time, you might do this as you don’t want to hurt people, or want to create happy co-workers. The trick to master in the corporate and personal life too is to balance care with candor (honesty). It is important to listen, but we should communicate expectations in the larger sense of it, loud and clear.
How to Balance Care with Candor
John Maxwell in his book “Pleasing People to Challenging People” talks about a few simple ways to make a “leadershift”. We have been skimming through some celebrated leadership books like his, to bring to you a few points to remember.
01.It’s okay to not be liked by all
Being a leader means you have to lead or work at instilling a vision for others to follow. Not all will like you or your ideas for various reasons. Accept it. Maxwell talks about a 25 percent that every company has, whose first reaction to change or change of pace is to reject.
02.Learn to say “no”
Not just saying it, but owning it. If you have been a people pleaser, you know the instances on how hard it is and how important it is too. Learning when to say no will boost your credibility because now you are taking a decision not to please, but to lead.
03.Make that tough conversation the first in your agenda
Don’t lose time in finding if the stars are aligned for you to make the conversation. Don’t tell someone else to do it. Get it done with first thing in the morning.
04.Share your vision and get feedback
You may not have been comfortable to talk to the team often, or you feel you are stating the obvious; it is important to communicate clearly, repeatedly. And it is not a one-way street. Get feedback from the employees.
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